I Promised that I would post Pictures! So here is what went Down!
Our Good Friend Le Dona found out this morning about 12:15 that her sister Ann passed away. She had just had knee surgery and had been released from the hospital. she had taken a shower and bumped her knee some how well it started leaking and her husband went to call 911 when he got back to Ann she was passed out he could not revive her and neither could the paramedics they are doing an autopsy to find out the cause of Death. Ann was in her early 50's. Please Keep them in your prayers as they Go through this most difficult time that God would hold them in his Arms.
yeah so i have been without my computer since before thanksgiving & needless to say i am going crazy. i am useing our wii to get on the internet and check email etc.... but that is about all. i did find out how ever that i can still look @ stuff on ebay & buy! it wont let me reply to emails or go on websites to chat as it does not support those. so as a result my house is a little cleaner and things are more in order. whats a girl to do!
OK so my Birthday is a little more than an month away and I will be gulp 37!! Wow Yeah so I have been oh-ing and ah-ing over this bike ( it's a Schwinn Roxie beach cruiser) that I have liked for probably the past year that sits at Target only my Favorite Store. I have made a lot of hints and my Man knows that this is what I want for my birthday! I love it it's so pretty!
Yeah you know you want one too!
I really cant wait!
Well today has been a Day let me tell you. But first I want to ask for Prayer for my Dad. Seems Like I have turned into the Parent and him the child in this matter. If you don't already know my Dad is an alcoholic. Well he has been living with us since he was laid off and could not pay his Rent. About a month give or take a few days. When he came here it was apparent that he had in fact not been drinking and he stated to me and Dave that he had been sober for almost a month at the time. Well the past few days I have noticed that he has in fact been under the influence. Dave and my home has always been a calm place to live with the spirit of God no contention and no weird feeling hope you understand that. Well Alcohol Brings in just the opposite and Tonight I confronted the man I have called Dad as long as I can remember. Not in a mean way in a loving tone I asked him not to drink here and not to bring it in the house. He got all upset and said who am I hurting , maybe I'll just leave then. He's hurting himself physically and mentally and it effects all who reside here or enter this house. I said well if that is what you want. is your Drinking really more important than a place to stay? he said it helps me. and I said well it's only a temp fix to a permanent problem. I don't think I'm the one in the wrong here. I never thought that he would put me in a position like this that he would respect me enough not to drink in our home. He has since apologized for making me feel that way I hope he understands that I do infact Love him I just cant and wont have it in my house. Please pray that God would enter his heart in such a way that he would have no desire to drink. he is leaving on Friday to Go camping and fishing with John and mike They are both pastors at Crosswalk christian church. I pray with all my heart that God does a work in him while he is away.
Dave and I had a nice Halloween, We Decorated a Haunted Gingerbread house that I bought at cost plus world market. I think it turned out pretty cute! We also had a small party and just invited my Friend Sarah and her husband Breck. we handed out candy, Ate pizza and stuff and watched movies it was a pretty nice night all in all.
So Yesterday Dave had the night off and we decided we were going to have a night out together. I always enjoy those. We went to Olive garden for dinner and had the all you can eat soup, Salad & bread sticks. Yum!!! then to Target to get some things and then we went to Walmart because I was certain that they might have a better selection of Halloween lights. I love Halloween not the scary parts leave the severed stuff out I'm all about the cute and fun side. Let me just say we had said lets see a movie if there is anything we might like to see, Well I had been hearing all this good stuff about Fireproof. It was a truly awesome movie it had me crying a lot and thinking about our marriage we have a good one but it can always be better there is always room for improvement. It's surprising how much we take advantage of those we love and how rarely we stop to do something kind for them in return. Or just do something kind with out any other motives. If you are married I suggest you see this and if not it still a great movie to see to help you react to the world around you in a more caring way. See it, it will change the way you look at love and those around you.
Today I took on lesson # 3 in the learn to tat book and DVD. Lesson 3 actually makes you make something that looks like something! Yeah a butterfly to be exact. I am quite proud of myself for completing this project no matter how small. Besides there is allot of beauty in the small things if we just stop and take the time
to Look.
So About a Week and a half ago I stumbled across a lady's blog through CWO She had this beautiful hand made work that she does Called Tatting. It looked like so much fun so I contacted her and asked her if she could recommend a book for beginners. She recommended The book learn to tat witch I bought on eBay and it comes with a DVD that is really good. So a few days ago after getting the rest of my supplies I sat down and started to learn and it is quite fun! I think the past few days I have even tatted in my Dreams. Above is my first work on rings and picot's. So far it has been rewarding to see that I am actually understanding it all and that I am having fun learning something new.
Tatting Tatting is a technique for handcrafting lace that can be documented approximately to the early 19th century.
So today @ 2 pm my Brother in law Josh is getting Baptized. Since My mom has been gone I have seen a Great Change in Stephanie & Josh. God definitely has his way of bringing us to him. And trough all the pain we have been trough the past few months. Something positive is coming out of it. He has blessed my family in a super big way. By allowing us to be part of his eternal kingdom and allowing us the small glimmer of hope that we will see our family's again. Knowing that what josh is doing he has already done in his heart this is just an outer expression of what the Lord is doing on the inside. I will bring my camera so pictures will follow! I hope that this does not sound crazy but I used to be afraid to die. Actually until just recently but that has all changed now. See I know that my Mom is waiting on the other side and that gives me comfort to know that she will be waiting.
Here are the Pictures I promised!!!
I don't know what makes me keep counting the days maybe I have some strange belief that she will come back the more I miss her.
I'm still trying to process all of the stuff that go's trough my mind since my mom is Gone. I just cant believe it or cant bring myself to the conclusion that she is not here anymore. my heart is heavy and I miss her so much. I know God said it would not be easy but it would be worth it. why does it have to be so hard. When will I see her again? and when will my heart stop aching for her. There is a hole in my heart and it needs mending. please pray for our family we are all having a tough time with this still. I need to make some changes in my life to get me out of this funk like. doing crafts and such to keep my mind occupied. but you can only do that for so long and when it's quiet and I have nothing to do that is when I miss her the most and I start dwelling on the fact that she is Gone, Any ideas would be helpful. someone said to start a journal and put down all your memories of your mom so you will have them to look back on.I also know that time will heal my wounds and that God is the Great healer but it's just so hard I'm trying to carry this on my own. Trying to be strong but I don't know if I can anymore.
Sometimes when life seems to get you down you have a way of looking at all the bad and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Since my mom' s passing in July my Dad was laid off his job since there was no work and with no work comes no way to pay rent. But since my moms passing I have seen the Lord work in him Bringing him once again to church. Once again Showing my Father that The Father has it all under control and when we leave this world of pain behind us and press on toward the the prize at hand God can work on our worries without us getting in the way. He has said be faithful and I will show you. He has shown me a Great Deal. He saw to it that my Dad's rent is paid and not just that. He's showing me that He is in Control. I just need to leave it in his hands. He knows more of my troubles than I do, He know my every thought my every prayer. He know what I think and forget to say. What a wonderful Father we have.
This week has been like so many weeks since my mom has passed kinda empty! sorry to start off that way but it leads to better things. A few days ago I lay in bed missing her terribly and missing our conversations. I started to cry as usual and I felt as though the spirit comforted me, I fell asleep dreaming of her. There is not a day that go's by that I don't miss her or think of her and wonder if she is looking down on me. I have allot of tears left inside I still need to cry. Then tonight I felt the message in bible study like God was talking to me somehow about my Relationship with him that, He knows what I am going through right now that he sees my pain he understands. We were praying at the end of the study and it was like God was telling me to let it out I could not stop crying the tears were intense. This tells me that when we don't think that God is listening and watching that he doesn't know what we are feeling we are wrong he knows he knows when we just need to cry and let it out. I hope I made some sense! I know now what i knew before but had forgotten, That it's ok to turn to God and let him know your pain. He is the Great Creator and the healer of all things even hearts. he is mending mine on word at a time.
Ok so it has been a little while since I have posted. Things are starting to get back to life although I am having a hard time living this life without my Mom here. I wanna call her so bad and see how she is and then reality sets in and I remember that she is not here anymore. My Little sister Jessica is having a really hard time so if you would please Pray for her. She is only 18 I cant imagine losing my mom before Jessica was born. I was 18 at the time and now at 36 it still does not seem real. I keep thinking it's a bad Dream and I am going to wake up. We are all having a hard time processing this and now I know how my husband felt a year ago when he Lost his Mom. You feel like you have lost your anchor the person who keeps you grounded. The person who had all the right words to tell you when things were out of sorts or life just didn't seem fair.
I now know what it's like and I can say it's not a fun place to be. Cherish the people you hold dear because you never know when they will be gone. I miss you mom!
On Saturday July 5 at 10:37 am My mom went to be with God. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I don't want to say goodbye. She was a Great mom always there for us and always giving of herself. The viewing is this Thursday July 10 @ 10pm at Allen Funeral home & the Service is at 1pm at wonderful mercy. Please pray for us and thank you to all you wonderful people who are sending food and prayers our way. We Love you
I talked to my sister Yesterday. I plan on going to see my mom Today. She said that she had a temp of 102 on Monday night and that somehow she has managed to bite her lip. So it is swollen and also one of her arms is swollen from her trying to lay on it all the time. and her other hand is swollen. She has not ate or Drank anything for the past 2 days and her limbs are starting to become stiff My dad says that is part of her disease. I am asking for prayer again that God would take her home and end her suffering she has no quality of life in the condition she is in and it's not getting any better. I know she will be so happy to be with her mom and dad and sister. It's hard for me to let her Go but God knows what is best and no matter how much I would love to keep her here it's not right for me to be so selfish and I would never want to keep her here in the condition she is in. Please pray I know that her return to Heaven is close. My heart is breaking in two.
Things haven't been easy the past few days I have been a ball of emotion and Cry Easily. It's been hard for me to see and come to grips with the fact that she is not going to come out of this although I still have hope and pray for God to work a miracle. I know he can! I Feel so broken. I'm crying just writing this. I feel like someone came into our lives and just took my mom away. and that she can never call or write again to see how her children are. I pray for my family and for anyone who has or will go through anything like this. It's not an easy thing to go through and stay strong. I know that when I am troubled I can lean on the lord for comfort. He is my Rock. Thank you for the time you allowed me to have with my mom. This video is the way I feel right now at this moment. He is always with me no matter how the storms of life may rage.
I know it has been awhile since I have posted and really not much has changed. I am at a loss I feel like I have already lost my mom. It's hard to Go to hospice and see her the way that she is , and in the state she is in, But I want to see her although it is hard. I wonder what quality of life she has always being sedated. And I wonder what I will do without her. My heart is Breaking at the thought of losing her although I have in so many ways already lost her. I want her to just wake up from all of this I wanna tell her again that I love her and that, I miss her, That I miss going shopping with her and being on the phone with her. I wanna be able to call her when I have a problem. I don't know what I am Going to do without her.
I have been doing allot of thinking and allot Of crying over the past few days. I know my Moms life has not been an easy one and yet through it all she has been a brave fighter. She has withstood polio as a child and a not so great childhood she survived a abusive first marriage and Cancer & chemotherapy during her pregnancy with my beautiful sister Jessica. Now She is in the last stages of her liver disease. She has been a fighter all her life. I just want her to know how much I love her. I want her to know that no matter what life throws at me I will fight back like her. I know when she does leave this life she will be in the presence of our wonderful Savior and that is comforting.
This song and video I want to dedicate to my Mom. I love you Mom I always will.
I was sitting here thinking about my family the one that God Gave me from the moment I entered this life. There is noting like family and the memory's that we create here on earth are what we will take with us. Today was a Hard day. We have made the decision as a family to put my mom into a 24hr hospice facility. There are so many things that I wanna let my mom know So much I still wanna share and so much I want her to be there for. I cant Say goodbye to her not now. I want more time I want her to see all her Grandchildren I want her to be happy and not in pain. This Time has been very hard on all of us emotionally we are Drained and are looking for the light at the end of a dark and lonely tunnel. Please Keep my Family in your prayers.
Life never turns out how we think it should and sometimes we don't react to things the way others think we should either. Sometimes I think we learn more about ourselves when we go through rough times. I know God said that it would not be an easy life but it would be worth it. But Why does it have to be so hard sometimes. Seems Like some of my Family understands that I am sick myself and Each day is different for me Being diabetic is not fun and lately my blood sugars have been high. Today they were 274 and they are not supposed to be over 130 Stress can bring them up to, witch is not good when they are up I get an upset stomach and get dizzy easy among other things. I have tried to explain to my family that I am not in any condition to take care of someone who is sick like my mom when I am ill myself. But only a few understand the Rest yell at me and Throw mean words at me. I am not supposed to be under any stress the doctor told me if I am under stress I need to walk away for two Reasons I am diabetic and have high blood pressure. They just Don't get it! I don't know how to make them Understand. Their actions and words are just pushing me away. Just because I cannot take care of my mom Does not mean I don't love her. I know I cannot make them understand but God can. I am under so much stress I just cannot take anymore!
I feel like the picture above overwhelmed and over stimulated! With all the chaos that is going on around Our move and over my moms health. It seems like my desire to get packed has up and left and there is still much to do and not enough Hours in the day. I have been sleeping more lately I think I am getting depressed. I need prayer that I can Get through this Dry time in my life I feel like I have been hit by a wrecking ball. My mom is back in the hospital after being Released Tuesday, she was not even out for a whole day she has some sort of infection that resists medication and they said her liver is shutting down. My family is angry with me because I have not been there as much. How am I supposed to be 2 places at once. :'( Yes my mom is important to me but Dave cannot move it all himself. I don't know what to do. We move this Saturday. I have been packing and going to see her when I can. she has also became violent towards my family hitting my sisters and dad. They say when her ammonia levels are high she becomes someone else basically, not herself. Please pray for my family through this very difficult time that God would carry us all.
Yeah so My life has been kinda Crazy lately. My mom has been in and out of the hospital since her fall. Just when it seemed she was making progress she slipped backwards. My sister Stephanie called her Last week I wanna say it was Sunday to talk to her and she was not making any sense. She was scheduled to go home the day before but all of us had said we didn't think she was ready as she cannot take care of herself let alone go to the restroom on her own. Well in any case the Dr decided it was best for her to stay put. Then on Sunday she Started talking funny on the phone and was repeating herself. We all met at the Rehab center to see her and decided that we wanted her to Go to the Hospital. After some tests they found that her Ammonia levels were elevated that can cause you to do off the wall things and not be yourself. Also she has Cefis - It's an infection in the bowel, They say she also has an infection in her urinary tract & some sort of infection in her sinus. When she first got to the hospital her ammonia level was 60 a normal ammonia level is 30. The next day they were 130. After that they seem to come down but yesterday they were up again to 90. Her short term memory is not working well she seems to forget things you told her 5 min's ago. My older sister Bonnie has talked to the Dr and he says that all the treatments that they have tried are not working. She gets agitated very easily and isn't sleeping. We are in the process of moving and with all this it's been a little stressful on Dave and I. But more so for my sister Bonnie as she has been there for my mom more than I have. Please pray for strength for the family Thur our hours and days of need. I dont know how much more we can take.
Yeah I think I have seen enough boxes to last forever! We have been packing and moving and it's not over yet!! We have until the end of the month to get it all out! It seems like I have way to much stuff in this small place! Garage sell time! So if I don't return phone call or email's it's not because I am ignoring you it's because I have been busy packing and by the time the night rolls around, I am exhausted and want sleep so I have been going to bed earlier than normal. On another note, Please pray for my friend Bethany Hutchins I just found out that her Father passed away. He had Found out he had Cancer and was Receiving treatment for it. Please pray for her mom Marilyn and all the kids & extended family. I have known Bethany & her family for several years. They are Good people and my Heart aches for them.
